Krapsakas

In the spring, I squealed on this blog that I was moving to Italy, then I had two panic attacks and my whole nervous system and body were under tremendous tension and pain every day.

What has happened in the meantime?
Am I moving to Italy?
Am I giving up on the blog, Instagram, shop, and business again?
What happens next?

Tensions had been building up since the autumn of last year, and in the spring of this year, they escalated to a particularly crazy level.
My stomach was constantly swollen with emotions. One day I could have a rock-hard
“3 months pregnant” baby belly and the next day my belly was fine and smooth again.
I developed food allergies to several basic foods.
Almost always after eating, my body ached in one way or another, which ended not daring to eat at all.
The fear of pain had become so big that I could go without food for hours.

But since I’m Agnes and I don’t like to sit in pain and pout, I started looking for solutions.
I knew that these discomforts and tensions had started somewhere. And if there is a beginning, there is also an end.
You have to find the root cause.

I had heard of an account theworkoutwitch_ before.
In other words, seen her videos on TikTok over the years.
It is a dysregulated nervous system relaxation exercise videos (somatic exercises).

I will talk more about these, somatic exercises, and the dysregulated nervous system. But in short right now- I will mention that doing these exercises was a complete turning point in my life.

These exercises look a bit like yoga, but they are not yoga.
Anyone can do them and you don’t need any equipment or special clothes. But these exercises are very helpful for many of the distracting and disturbing qualities of life. That being said, I will talk more about this at another time. But let me talk about it briefly 👇:

When I said that these exercises changed my life, I meant it in the most literal sense of the word. At first, I just did these exercises according to theworkoutwitch_ Instagram videos (available to everyone for free), and when I saw the first results, I bought the course (price 55€).

How did these somatic exercises help me?
My nervous system is 70-80% calmer. I still have a way to go. To bring the dysregulated nervous system to a regulated nervous system, but already I am much calmer.
I am more in touch with my inner gut feeling again.
I see more colors in life.
I suddenly like to take life easy.
I’m finally laughing again! You can’t imagine how liberating it is 😍!
I’m crying, again! I couldn’t cry for months!
In other words, I have found myself again “so to speak”.
I found all my joy and faith. The ability to live in the present. Today. Right here and now.

Am I moving to Italy?
“Who knows 🤷‍♀️” is my answer at the moment.
I currently have no plans to move.
This year has taught me to live in the moment. In the present.
I’m not saying I’ll never move there, but right now I don’t see it in my immediate future.

Am I giving up on the blog, Instagram, shop, and business again?

No, no, no, and again no! Ha-ha 😁.
I’ve been searching for “my place” all my life.
A place where I would feel that I can and should be “myself”.
The last month has changed me a lot. Every day I take back more and more of my strength, which people have taken (some I have allowed to take) from me during my life. Especially my parents, who could not cope with such a strong child (mentally).

I’ve been bothered by social media for a while now-
“Do this and you will be successful”, and “You MUST do these and these activities to have a lot of followers”.
You know what? I do not want to! I just don’t want to!
I want to do my own thing! I have never been a person who does everything according to others. When society goes to the right, I go to the left. If everyone goes left, I go straight.

That’s why I started a blog. To pull back that huge rush. I can no longer use my phone to scroll senselessly. I don’t want to do it on social media like everyone else does.
I want to move forward with thought, forcefully but at the same time softly.
Noticing the beauty of life and the tiny details that make up the world.

I’ve been told for years, “Agnes! Please do your own podcast or something to pass on your wisdom and life experiences”.
I haven’t been able to find the “right language” for this 🫣.
I have created excuses – who am I to tell others something? What do I know? Etc.
At the same time, I see all the time that as someone comes into contact with me, I affect or influence people. I call it “fingertip energy.”
In other words, I don’t have to do anything. I’m just being myself. I am talking about what I have discovered in my own life. What I have learned. What I have experienced. And it has great influence and power.

And then I realized at one point – I am often the “big older sister”. (Age doesn’t play a role here)
This older sister who talks about the adventures of her life, who often gets into adventures ha-ha 😄. Who falls (sometimes very badly). Then she gets up again, wipes the knees of her pants clean. Straightens her back and head, and walks forward richer in experience.
I never saw myself as a teacher, but I did see myself as a “finger-touch fairy”.
(Finger touch= when you touch someone with your fingertip.)

My personality and energy are definitely not for everyone. If you want to read my blog or follow Krapsaka’s Instagram – welcome aboard! Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn’t. But if I’m not your person, I wish you a great adventure somewhere else 🥰. No hard feelings! 🙌

So the answer to the question, is this the end? No! It’s a big new beginning 😝!


What happens next?

The adventures of life will come next, ha-ha 😁!
In fact, I really enjoy living in the moment. I had such huge plans for this year, which initially fell apart with a big bang – but it was the best thing that could happen!

I feel how fall calls me in energy. Which is very strange, because I’m not looking forward to autumn 😄. However, when I see pictures of last year’s fall somewhere, or feel the energy of autumn somewhere, tears come to my eyes and I feel a wild longing for autumn.
Today I have no idea what that means, but time will tell 🤭.

I am also building new wardrobe inside, new personal attitudes towards life and a new (my own) brand called Krapsakas.
Therefore, completely cool times are underway and ahead 😁.
At first I was afraid to come out in public that I was building myself up. But then I realized that being involved in building someone up is EXACTLY the coolest and most inspiring time!
Because you see continuous development from the sidelines and also setbacks.
As life is.
I don’t have all the answers. Hell! I don’t even know what awaits me, because this is the first time in a very long time that I don’t plan anything for myself.
My longer summer vacation starts in a week. And even for vacation, I have nothing more in mind than going to the beach to swim at least once, ha-ha😄.
So yeah! The over-planner has become a go-with-the-flow woman 😄.


Do you have any questions or suggestions for me to write about?
Are you, for example, looking for some ideas on what to wear to an event or how to solve the design of X’s room? Let me know in the comments 🥰!