Krapsakas

In previous years, when I dated many different men over time, at one point I came up with a sentence like “Beautiful man, great man, but not my man”.

Meaning?

There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with a person, a person doesn’t have to be a bad person, but still, they might not be right for you.

I met so many really nice men, but something about them was a “no-go” for me.
On the surface, everything seemed fine, but something was still missing or overdone for me.
So: “Beautiful man, great man, but not my man”.
And so my path has gone separate ways with several people.

In the last few months, several applications have appeared in my life.
Applications to get to know each other either as a partner or as a friend, as an employer.
In the past, I was usually the type who accepted all such requests with open arms.
“Of course! Let’s get to know each other! Let’s become friends! You’re so cool!”
“Of course, I’ll come work for you!”

After getting full of “Enough is enough” and blowing away the old faith, my views have changed a lot and one of them is this topic.

Suddenly I emerged an attitude regarding both friendship and employers:
“Beautiful person, nice person, but not my person”.
“Nice job, interesting job, but not my job”.

Look. Of course, it’s nice when in a society where there are more unfulfillments than opportunities and fulfillment, you get different offers.

However, we DO NOT HAVE to accept all these things.

If you have made it clear to yourself or thought about what kind exactly your friend is.
How do you feel when communicating with your friend? What is important to you? What you definitely do not agree with, etc.
And if this person with the friend application does not meet these standards, then that is okay.
This person is not bad because of that.
They simply do not meet your standards, in the long run, they will not make you happier, and they will not add to your life what YOU need.

One hand washes the other, right?

You give, they give. Energy moves and alternates. Not just one gives and the other only takes.

I think it’s especially important for people pleasers and former people pleasers to remember this.
Because the old pattern of such people is the subconscious desire to please everyone, to suit everyone.

Let me remind you here that the only person you have to please is yourself!

If you choose yourself, then eventually people like you will end up in your close circle.

For example, in my case, one of the most important things in both my partner and friendship is humor and laughing together.
And it happens more than you might think that my humor and the humor of the person opposite me don’t match.
And then this weird way of explaining jokes starts. Or fake laughing.
Oh my, how I can’t stand it when I have to laugh along with a joke in a politically correct way (yes, it’s an old habit that I’m still relearning). My head is starting to hurt so badly at the back of my head if I do that.
Explaining humor, in general, is a very tiring activity because one of the parties is tense. Either the one who doesn’t get the joke or the one who has to explain it.

And then jobs

Especially now that I’ve been unemployed for the last few months, there have always been moments and situations where I just want to apply for a job or accept some kind of job that I don’t like or don’t like at all.

Just so I can get back to work.

Fortunately, I have enough life experience by now that I know what price I would pay for such a mistake later. No thanks.

Or when you feel pressure from other people, “How come you haven’t gotten a job yet!? God, how awful! And God, how are you going to manage financially!? Haven’t you thought about another job?”
Khm-khm. 
Sorry, but why are you projecting your fears onto me? Deal with them yourself.
If I really need help with something, I’ll let you know.

NB! Most of the time, these people don’t offer any help. They just freely sow their fears on you like grass seeds are thrown down in the spring.

Not all jobs have to be right for you.

I’ve worked in a lot of different jobs in my life. For longer or shorter periods of time (jobs bites, job trials).
Today I know what jobs make me really happy, where I go to work with my eyes shining and I really enjoy doing my job.
Today I know what salary I’m at least worth (you can always pay more, hehe). Because I know how thoroughly and responsibly I do my job.
Today I know what my work standards are.

Just because someone else doesn’t have their partner, friend or work standards in place doesn’t mean you can’t have them in place.

You can’t imagine how many times I’ve heard in my life “God! If you have such high standards, you won’t find what you’re looking for!”.
Well. I don’t always look for it. I allow things to come into my life. 
I have paid a very high price for my health many times for not keeping my standards. Because, well, what happens when I don’t stick to my guns?
It happens. A lot happens. And when you finally get through it all, you remember it and you don’t want to go through the same thing again.

So.

A person doesn’t necessarily have to be bad, but they just don’t fit into your life.
There’s no need to endlessly discuss why they don’t fit.
If they don’t fit, they don’t fit.
Period.
Move on.
The same goes for work.
Know what you’re willing to accept. If necessary, try different jobs to get a sense of what suits you and what doesn’t. Be sure of the salary you’re at least worth.
And choose what suits you!

“A nice person, a great person, but not my person.”

With love,
Krapsakas Agnes