Krapsakas

There’s a funny thing about this attention.
The more you delay giving it, the greater the attention deficit becomes, and the more impatient and unpleasantly demanding the person who needs it becomes.

However, if you give attention consciously and steadily in the right amount, it does not tire either the giver or the recipient.
The energy of attention moves steadily in the right amount.

Ahh! Agnes!? What are you talking about, exactly?

Here’s an example.
In our previous home, we had a routine or habbit with Preili (my cat) that when I came home from work, I would spend the first 10-20 minutes just with her 1:1.
I didn’t look at any screens or turn on any music.
I gave her all my attention. I petted her. I stroked her and praised her for being a beautiful and good cat.

The result? Preili was happy because I gave her and only her attention.
Which she really needed.

In short – Preili was happy, got her enough attention and I was also grounded in some ways because I was there in a simple moment.

Everything was very nice and great.
Until we moved to another city, the dynamics of our lives changed, I was nervous and stressed and I forgot about giving her 1:1 attention.

The result? She started meowing in the morning and kept meowing until the evening. Absolutely terrible!
My brain was 😵‍💫😵‍💫. 

I jokingly promised to give her to an elderly neighbor for the day because I just couldn’t stand the screaming anymore. I tried everything – petting, scratching, even changing food – nothing helped.

Fast forward a bit – coming home from work one day recently, I laid down in bed without my phone for a moment, Preili came to cuddle me, and I offered her 1:1 attention through petting and scratching. 

The result? I found that she was much calmer that night than usual.

I thought to myself, okay, very interesting. 
Was it really that much benefit from those 10 minutes at a very special moment and had such a big impact?
I tried it a few more times until I realized that yes! Indeed, those 10 minutes of 1:1 time are VERY beneficial.
So it has become our routine again.

Why am I talking about this?

I started to notice this in people around me too.
It’s funny how listening to another person at the right time – be it a partner, friend or coworker – can prevent major arguments and disagreements.

Giving steady attention, without staring at screens at the same time, gives an incredible amount. Even if it’s for 10-15 minutes.
The quality of the time spent together improves significantly.

It was interesting to notice that when I interacted with people without screens and extra background noise, our energy was calmer, our serotonin levels were higher and I didn’t have this stupid attention-seeking habit.
I got my attention from that moment.

I used to think that asking for attention was a bad thing. Today I say it’s not!
If you do it politely and calmly “I just want to bounce ideas off of you in a calm way without any background noise. Do you have time for that?”

I prefer to talk to someone 1:1 for 15-20 minutes without any distractions and enjoy the interaction. In comparison, talking frequently, but at the same time loud music is playing, kids are running around, someone comes up and asks something, the phone is ringing and at the same time you have to answer an important email or text message.

So, darling. Maybe your partner isn’t so mean? Maybe she/he hasn’t been getting consistent 1:1 attention from you without screens and other distractions?

Maybe your friend is talking to you so foolishly because she/he hasn’t been able to have a calm heart-to-heart conversation with anyone in a long time? 

Maybe your coworker is actually a really nice person, but you’ve never seen that side of them because you’re always so incredibly busy and so resentful of each other?

How much would your life change if you decided to try to give someone close to you quality attention for even 10 minutes a day, starting today?

With love, 
Krapsakas Agnes