Krapsakas

I have this post written in draft form at the end of September 2025.
It seemed like the right time to publish it as the year ends.
Maybe it will give someone food for thought about how often we limit ourselves through our own thinking.

---

This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsaka’s blog.
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.

---

I often notice people telling themselves stories – excuses for why they can’t do something. “I can’t do it because of X, Y, and Z.” “I can’t do it because I don’t have _.” And we repeat these stories endlessly.

Until a wiser person realizes, “Hey! I think I’m telling a story here that’s not actually quite true 🤔?”.

The wise one seeks help, from a specialist or a loved one. “Help me reflect my thoughts back to myself.” And from that reflection, they make changes.

But the fool. The fool continues to cut through the story with his dull saw.
For every worry and problem, there are 10-100 excuses why he definitely cannot solve this worry/problem.
And often such people think that she/he is not responsible for this worry. The others are responsible.

Don’t worry – I’m not always working with a sharp saw either.

For example, even now – I have a paid job, which in the big picture is great, I like it and there’s nothing wrong with it.

BUT! 

At the same time, my company is calling me a big times. It just calls me at any moment: “Agnes! Agneees! Agneeeeees! I’m here! Come to me! Deal with me!”.
I’ve felt like I don’t have time to deal with Krapsaka.
Okaym yes, I deal with Krapsakas. Some weeks more, some less.

Since mid-September, I promised myself that I would devote at least 15 minutes a day to Krapsakas.
Which has been very beneficial, because 15 minutes usually turns into 30 minutes or even more. And sometimes it’s just 15 minutes.
So, contributing even a little every day helps you progress faster than taking 1-2 days a week and then trying to give your best, but spending too much of your energy. And because of that, I get even more tired.
Edit from December: My nervous system crashed so badly that after a month (starting in September) I basically didn’t do anything with Krapsakas at all.

Starting and building a business is a marathon, not a sprint.

So sprinting is more of a “I don’t care how much energy I spend I need to finish as fast as possible” while marathon is “Ok! I gotta save my energy and keep a good pace”.

“I can’t make Krapsakas semi-closed because it requires a Premium WordPress plan that costs 400€ and I don’t have that money today”

But. What other story have I told, especially recently?

“I can’t semi-close Krapsakas blog because it requires a Premium WordPress plan that costs 400€ and I don’t have the money today.”

Side note – partially closing the blog would give me space, a slightly safer surface, to explore deeper, more inspiring topics.
Think of it like this: under a roof with no walls or doors, everyone can come and go.
But a room with walls and a door? That’s a little bit more private.
Do you get my analogy?

Anyone can read blog posts without paying, people have even posted my blog posts on their own blogs without my permission (which I don’t like at all).
But posting the content of a closed blog on other blogs or public channels is criminal and can easily land the visitor in court or be fined a nice amount for copyright infringement.
Which is a price most people don’t want to pay, so this gives me a slightly better surface to express my thoughts and ideas.

Being in the process of recovering financially from being unemployed for half a year, adding that Estonia is currently one of the most expensive countries to live in Europe.
And since Krapsakas is just getting going, 400€ is a big amount.
That would be a big amount even if you leave the financial side aside.

And what does that Premium version give me?
A lot:
/ I could start creating an even bigger and stronger Krapsaka community, so to speak.
/ I could make Krapsaka’s page even more searchable on Google.
/ I could sell Krapsaka’s designed T-shirts directly on my website.

I had a good cry about why life has to be so complicated.
Then I thought – screw it. I’ll keep writing on my public blog.
And one day, Krapsakas will have a WordPress premium version, and I’ll be able to share even more things – the kind not meant for just anyone who clicks onto the site.

Overly Independent Woman Syndrome and Ego Death

One day, however, I was just surfing around in different places on WordPress and by chance I found that you can add a place to WordPress that displays to the reader “Give Krapsaka a WordPress premium plan”.

And you know what? I put my pride aside, gathered my “I’m a very independent woman” mindset, and ticked the box.

Look. I was SUPER independent my whole life. I rarely accepted help from anyone.
Carrying heavy grocery bags? No problem!
Paying for everything myself? No problem!

It got so extreme that… years ago I dated a man who was very protective of women.
Estonian, but with Georgian blood – raised here, Georgian by roots.
Put two fires together? Yeah… may God have mercy on everyone. Two fires usually create a flame that’s just too big 😄.

I didn’t give up, he didn’t give up.
We went to buy snacks together for movie night, I didn’t even let him pay for a few of my things.

He took us out to eat and made it very clear that he was paying.
We even argued in front of the counter about who was going to pay for my order – and for quite a while, because it took him forever to decide what he wanted.

At some point, I quietly told the cashier that I would pay for my own items. She looked confused – after all, she had heard our entire argument – but still entered my amount into the card terminal, and I paid quickly.

Ohhhh. He was offended. Deeply offended. He was pissed off.

Because in his eyes, a man was the provider. And by taking away his chance to be the provider, I had deeply insulted him.

This kind of back-and-forth went on between us for a long time, until one day, during a grocery store visit, he calmly and evenly said to me:
“Agnes, I understand that you’re an independent woman. But you don’t have to be that independent.”

BOOooOOOM! 

I ran out of words. I swallowed my pride and from then on I quietly started allowing others to pay for things for me when someone expressed a desire to do so.

The real reason of excessive independence

What really happened was that I had to be very independent my whole life and I had no one to lean on.
Leaning on, asking for help, usually always led to great disappointment, which pushed me to be even more independent.

When I was told, without a safe space, that “I’ll pay!” or whatever the suggestion or help was, I didn’t hear it.

What this man actually did was simple, but powerful.
Over time, he created a safe space for me where I could see, through behavior, not words – through behavior – that I could trust him.

No repayment was expected. And no compensation was expected later, in any other form, for the things he paid for.

I know myself well enough to say this: if this man hadn’t been just as fiery as I am, if he hadn’t been so consistent, and if he hadn’t genuinely believed that “as the man, I pay, not you,” without any later complaining, pressure, expectations, or emotional invoices, I would never have broken that behavioral pattern.

What makes the story slightly funny is that years later I brought up this exact topic with him and he said he doesn’t even remember it 😄.
To him, it was simply obvious that a man pays for a woman, especially when he’s the one who invited her out.

And no, I did not lose my independence.
I can still pay for my own things.
I simply allow it, when someone genuinely wants to do it.

And honestly… it’s quite nice when someone takes care of you ☺️.

Giving without expectation

And what I also do today is this:
Regardless of gender, because women also enjoy treating others, I double-check.
In other words, I mirror the person back to themselves:
“Did I understand you correctly that you’d like to treat me?”

Okay, yeah, when it comes to being treated, I ask less.
But for example, when someone gives me an item.

Here’s an example: a colleague recently brought me a Tupperware “magic cloth” for cleaning windows. It was brand new, unused.
I accepted it, thanked her politely, and then asked again:
“Just to be sure, am I understanding correctly that you’re giving this to me without expecting money in return?”
She said yes. She brought it simply because she wanted to show me how good the cloth is.

If there is one thing I absolutely cannot stand, it is treating someone, giving things away for free, or doing favors and then later demanding something in return.
In that case, it should have been agreed upon right at the beginning of the so-called “act of generosity.”
I believe it is distasteful to ask for compensation afterward.

And it’s important to point out that this also assumes reciprocity. That I, too, treat others, bring things, and give back.

This is not one-sided generosity.
It’s a “hand washes hand” situation.
One shoulder supports the other.

And this kind of kindness should come from the heart. Not through manipulation.

I added on the Krapsakas website “Gift Krapsaka a WordPress Premium version”

A few days later, when I visited the website, I thought: Oh my! This makes me and Krapsakas look so unprofessional.
I started to take it down, until I realized… eeeeee, I don’t even remember where I put it up in the first place 😃.

I sat with that thought for a moment and thought:
“You know what!? People shamelessly ask for things, money, etc. If I run Krapsakas from the heart – sharing my experiences, shedding light on the dark corners, giving rather than just taking – then why shouldn’t there be a place where someone who wants to support me/Krapsakas has that option?”

If you don’t want to support or gift, that’s totally fine. Nothing will happen! But the option is there.

What I want to say with this is: yes, I’m an independent woman, sometimes still overly independent, but you don’t always have to be that independent, grinding your teeth and struggling.

You can open yourself to help and support from the outside. If you’re not open to external help and support, then it doesn’t make much sense to complain: “No one helps me” or “It’s so hard to manage things on my own.”
You only get help when you allow yourself to be helped. Capisce?

In summary

I want to emphasize this: even though I write passionately, deeply, and emphasize things, please don’t feel any obligation to donate to Krapsakas if it doesn’t truly speak to you or you don’t feel like doing it.

My goal is to inspire people, help them get to know themselves better, change patterns, and in a way, serve as a positive example– showing that a good and joyful life actually begins with the little things.
But this is not a place to beg anyone for money! Even if, at first read, my passionate texts might give that impression to some.
You do not have to donate anything! Okay 😊? Capisce 😄? I actually planned to include more examples here, but this post has already become quite long.

What I want with this message is to make you reflect: maybe you’ve been telling yourself stories for some time that could actually be resolved if you just stepped back a few steps and looked at things from an outsider’s perspective- are things really that impossible, or is there actually another way to handle it?
Or maybe it’s finally time to ask for help?
Or maybe it’s time to reshape your belief about help. That asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but actually a sign of strength?

With love,
Krapsakas Agnes