“But their attitude does not affect me”

This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsakas blog.
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.

How aware are you of the mindset, beliefs, and worldview of the people around you?

Recently, I cut several people out of my life at once.
With one of them, I had been in contact for years, essentially on a daily basis.
In general, our communication was positive, and it seemed to me like it was also a supportive friendship. Yet very often, after talking to that person, I felt energetically drained (the first major clue).

For the past few years, I had believed that people can communicate and be friends even when there are strong disagreements. There is no need to fight because of them.
Both people can have their own opinion.
Adults, after all. Right?
Nope*.

*Different opinions can absolutely exist and are okay.
But a lot also depends on how closely people interact and how frequently that contact is. In other words, differences in opinion are okay, but we do not have to, nor can we, keep making endless compromises.

At the same time, that person had very strong personal worldviews that did not align with mine (another clue).
Back then, I thought that it was okay if people’s worldviews did not match, and how bad could that really be?
We could still be good friends anyway, right?

Real life example

Here is a real example from life.
That particular person sincerely and wholeheartedly hated men in the most passionate way possible.

I do not hate men. Yes, of course, there are very, very unpleasant men in the world.
But there are also very, very unpleasant women in this world.
Should we then hate both genders?
What is the point of hatred at all? Hatred only destroys us from within.

You may have heard the saying: “Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are”.
Or: “If you spend time with four foolish people, you become the fifth. If you spend time with four enterprising people, you become the fifth”.

You understand where I am going with this? The people you surround yourself with, you gradually become more like them. And even if you do not become like them, they still affect you.

Because everything around us, all these different environments, even where you live, who your neighbors are, who your colleagues are, who your friends are, all of it is an enormous calibration of tiny details.
Every movement, every sound, every color, every way of expressing something, every tone of voice, every facial expression, and so on. It all affects us.
And often it affects us in ways that we do not even consciously register right away. The subconscious does, but the mind does not.

We exist inside that field of influence, and usually we only realize that something is wrong when whatever it is has already been affecting us negatively for some time, sometimes for a long time.

Well. I had the same experience with that friend who hated men.
I didn’t realize how strong the effect of her anger was until that person was no longer present in my life.

During those years, I tried to stay open to a new partner.
Honestly, I really tried to be open. Yet there was always some “but,” something that seemed to block it from working. Clearly, the friend wasn’t entirely to blame for everything that didn’t work out, but hear me out.

Nature doesn’t stand an empty place, and so another person came into my life– someone opposite the first.
She is full of joy, positive, and she likes men too (just like me). She interacts with men freely and respectfully. Her relationships with men are balanced.

Guess how long it took before her presence started positively influencing me?
Just a few weeks. Probably around 3 weeks.

Me, who had been completely tense around men, unable to communicate normally, maintain connections, seeing only the bad in men- although none of this reflects my true beliefs or attitude toward men.
I am becoming again the person I really am when interacting with men (and people in general, including women) – a free spirit, someone who expresses her sensuality and lets it flow. I am naturally a big flirt- and not because I crave attention, but because it’s just part of who I am.

And only today I truly see how much that ex-friend who hated men affected me.
How them negative attitude impact me too. I could try to think positively, tell myself it didn’t affect me.
But the reality was, being a strong empath and wanting to avoid conflict, I just minimized myself every time some new anti-men comment came up.
Every single time. I would step back, and that person would step forward. Over the years, this gave them a huge stage to express their negative attitudes.

And as always, our subconscious doesn’t distinguish sarcasm or “it’s just a joke” or “this doesn’t affect me”- it still affects us!
Just like dark humor or “jokes” that ridicule others can actually hurt us.

So choose wisely the people you surround yourself with, the ones who carry certain attitudes and worldviews- because it all affects you :).

With love,
Krapsakas Agnes

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