Krapsakas

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This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsaka’s blog.
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.

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I believe all of us have labeled someone at some point.
For example, saying things like: “Oh God, what an annoying person!” or “Why is he/she so stupid?” etc.
Labeling is fast and simple. It often gives us a quick sense of certainty. What is much harder is to actually understand another person.

If you are reading this and thinking that I am someone highly self-educated, analytical, and above labeling others, then stay calm. I am the same as everyone else. I make mistakes and get things wrong too.

Over the past months, I have been thinking about this more deeply.
For years, I have been told that my standards are too high. That I can come across as arrogant, proud, or too sharp.

I can see where that perception comes from. But there are also reasons behind it. Life has made me more demanding, both towards myself and towards the people and environments around me. Part of it also comes from my childhood, the way I was raised and simply from my character.

I DO demand more.
I want higher-quality things and experiences with every year.
I keep moving forward, and I say “no” when something does not align.
And yes, I have also had judgmental thoughts like: “How can someone think or act this way?”

All of this has made me think, do I really have high standards, or am I simply not a match with many people?

I will use my own experiences to explain this, because I believe many people will recognize themselves in it.
Let’s look at this more closely, not only through my perspective, but in a broader context.

The illusion we live in

Growing up in a certain environment, being surrounded by similar people, working in the same field, and repeating the same routines for years creates a very specific view of the world.
All of this creates an illusion for us.
It creates an illusion where it starts to feel like: “This is just how people are, right?”.
Over time, these patterns become normal in your mind.

Even if you see different perspectives online or in media, it often stays abstract. You understand it mentally, but not fully.
Real understanding comes when you are physically around different people and experience those differences in real life.

I’ll use a simple example from my own life.

For years I lived and worked in the same rhythm. Home, work, grocery store, repeat.
Sometimes I went for a walk after work or met a friend.
But in a bigger picture, the essence of my life stayed the same for years.

The city and area where I lived was financially more stable, and I saw very few people from more difficult life situations, including those struggling with addiction or instability, in my everyday life.
They existed, of course, but were not very visible in my daily life.

At work I also mostly had colleagues and clients who were generally stable and aligned with a similar way of living.
Meaning that for years I was in an environment where people were more similar to me than different from me.

Over time, this created a sense of certainty about what “normal” looks like.
It started to feel like most people are intelligent, kind, and willing to move forward.

Also in social media I mostly consumed content where people thought similarly to me. Of course I still saw and heard about different kinds of people, different lifestyles and worldviews, but those felt like exceptions rather than reality.
And yes, sometimes I also labeled such people in my own mind.

So who is actually “better”?

This year, I lived in three different areas, met people from very different life situations, and saw life outside my usual environment. It made me reflect on this much more deeply.

Does having more experience make someone better?
Does working on yourself make you better?
Does emotional intelligence, discipline, or higher standards make someone better?
Or does it simply make you different in how you live and what you choose?

The more I thought about these questions, the more it became clear to me- I am not better than anyone. I have simply made different choices and grown in different directions.
Because the same can be said by anyone about someone else. We all grow in different areas, at different times, and in different ways.

I have often seen that people who spend more time reflecting, growing, or developing themselves find it harder to find “their people” or a partner who truly matches them.

It is usually not about thinking “I am better than others.”
The more you have experienced, failed, and learned, the clearer you become about what you are willing to accept and what you are not.

Compatibility and different standards

Often, different relationships- friendship, romantic, or work, are shaped by people’s standards, values, and the direction they are moving in and whether those standards actually align.

We can say, yes, I am not better than you or you are not better than your neighbor.
Even if we say no one is better than anyone else, differences in standards still affect how we connect and relate to each other.

I will give a real-life example.
A long time ago, when I was younger, I spent time in groups where drinking was a big part of social life. I was never drawn to it, but I tolerated it because that was the environment I was in.
The result?
Today, I choose not to be around that kind of environment. And I consciously keep my distance from them.
Does that make me proud, full of myself, or “above it all” because I don’t mingle with these people?
Some might say so.
But for me, it is a standard. A standard I no longer lower.
Because this kind of environment no longer aligns with how I want to spend my time. I value conversations that have depth and presence.

Of course, it is different in the case of a bigger event, celebration, or occasional gathering.
But this example is specifically about people who drink every weekend, and/or during the week.
In moderation and on occasion, it is fine for me.

Do you understand what I mean with my example?
I am not better than anyone else for choosing differently.
I have learned through my own experiences what works for me and what does not.

I have seen patterns that I no longer want to be part of, and based on that, I make different choices today.

People are free to live their lives the way they choose.
I am free to choose differently.

And if someone sees that as arrogance, I understand where that perception comes from.
But for me, it is simply about staying true to my standards.
Not everything is meant for everyone. And that is okay.

In summary

It is natural that we do not match with everyone.
It is easy to fall into labels like “I am better than them” or “They are arrogant.”
Often, it comes from growth, different experiences, or consciously chosen standards. And that is okay.
At the end of the day, you are the one living your life. Not your friend, not your family, not anyone else.

If a work, friendship, or relationship no longer aligns with what matters to you, speak up or leave.
If someone you once felt close to no longer shares your values or direction, speak up or leave.
If a partner no longer feels aligned with who you are today, speak up or leave.

This is your life. Your choices. Your decisions.
Others may have opinions, but they do not live your life for you.
Live it fully. Keep your standards, and allow them to evolve as you grow.

What are your experiences and opinions on this topic? Let me know in the comments.

With love,
Krapsakas Agnes

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