This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsakas blog.
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.
NB! This post contains details that may be distressing for sensitive readers and highly empathetic individuals.
In this post, I share the beginning of my burnout story – how years of chronic stress and self-suppression led to a sudden physical collapse, a loss of consciousness at home, and the first wake-up call that something in my life and nervous system had completely broken down.
I worked my way up the career ladder for years. Better and better jobs, more and more responsibility, higher and higher salaries.
And this was accompanied by more and more self-suppression, speaking in politically correct language, trying to fit in with others more and more.
In July 2024, we had a collective vacation. Two weeks.
2 days before the end of the vacation, I collapsed alone at home.
The fright and shock when I woke up was very big.
So what happened was that because my nervous system had already been in a state of complete maximum tension for a very long time, years by that point, but especially intensely in the last few months, my body simply could not cope with all the tension anymore and physically collapsed.
It was a very lucky accident, because I fell right in front of the sharp corner of the kitchen table. There were a few cm missing from there, so that I would have fallen with my temple against the sharp corner.
However, I still injured myself quite badly.
I remembered enough from what happened that I made lunch in the kitchen.
I stretched. I started to stand up from the squatting position and then stars appeared in front of my eyes. I got to thinking that I had to squat again, so that if I were to faint, at least I wouldn’t fall at full height.
The next moment I remember (or regaining consciousness) was:
“God, what a sweet dream that was!” (still with my eyes closed)
For a few seconds, everything felt strangely peaceful.
Too peaceful.
“Why does my tongue hurt?”
I opened my eyes.
“Why am I biting my tongue?”
“Why am I on the kitchen floor?”
“Why is my body shaking?”
“Why do I hurt?”
“Why am I in this position?”
“What happened??”
In the very short time that I opened my eyes and realized that I was in a strange position on the kitchen floor, I had a lot of questions in my head.
To this day, I don’t know exactly how long I was unconscious on the floor. I guess it was probably about 10 minutes. Because I know my cat’s behavior (we had lived together for 9 years at that point) and I know when she comes to check on me when something is off for her (she was sleeping in the other room at first).
I remember my cat’s very sleepy, but extremely worried look in my direction.
My cat is very affectionate and we have our own bond. Whenever I have something wrong with my health, she comes and comforts me and is obviously worried.
So when I woke up I was on my knees, my hands at my sides like jelly, my wrists resting on the floor with the wrong side (palms facing the ceiling), and the weight of my entire upper body was supporting only the left side of my head. My neck hurt really badly.
My hands, knee, and also the front of my forehead were bruised. There was also a nice big bump in front of my forehead.
What scared me the most about all this was not understanding why I was biting my tongue the whole time. So my body was shaking and I was biting my tongue at the same time, not very hard luckily.
I should have called an ambulance immediately when I woke up. But I honestly didn’t think of it. I think it was a lot influenced by my childhood, where I regularly saw how my grandmother was very, very sick. Most of the time her heart was beating out of rhythm. And she always said, “There’s nothing wrong with me! There’s no need to call an ambulance!”.
And my father always suppressed his pain too.
Here’s a reminder – children learn primarily from adults’ actions, not words.
In addition, I didn’t have my phone with me at that moment. I had just trained myself a few months before that I didn’t have to walk around the house with my phone with me all the time.
Anyway, I didn’t call an ambulance. My brain was completely blank. My body was limp.
I remember that I felt after a very, very long time that finally my body was light and not tense (because it had been completely tense for months by that point). But my brain was completely blank.
I remember that I had almost no strength in my body. It took me a long time to be able to get up from the floor and go to the couch.
Since the couch was uncomfortable, I wanted to go to bed, but I just couldn’t. The body lacked the strength for this.
About half an hour later I told my sibling about it. My sibling said much later that what scared them the most was how empty and numb I was the rest of the day and evening.
That I could communicate and talk, but there were no feelings or emotions. Which was absolutely not mine-like.
What came out later?
I was afraid that I was having an epileptic seizure. Because usually such symptoms indicate this.
BUT. Such symptoms can also occur when the neurons of the brain do not make the right connection at the right time, as is necessary for healthy functioning.
In any case – in such a situation please call for medical help!
It is necessary to do an EEG (Electroencephalography) study ASAP, because later it will be very difficult or even impossible for doctors and neurologists to understand what exactly initiated such an event.
So, didn’t I seek help?
I’ll be honest, I tried to cope with these stresses on my own for the past few years. I tried one technique and another.
But when I collapsed that summer day, my biggest shock and fear was that I went through it alone.
That I had no one to ask for help right away. I didn’t dare ask for help.
I was afraid that I would be weak. Because by that moment, I had been strong for too long, being alone and living alone. At that time, I thought that I had no other option or choice but to be strong.
I didn’t have anyone to share work stress nor stress overall with. At work, I was always between two big groups – bosses and employees.
Outside of work, there were people around me. Some closer, some further away. But none of them were “my people”. I can’t explain it, whoever understands, understands.
So I was high-functioning on my own. I told myself, “See! I can do it!”.
I was literally married to my job, because I had to be available 24/7.
Except for Friday night and Saturday night.
After that collapse (on Saturday), I went to work on Monday.
Since I still wasn’t feeling well, I told one of my boss about it just in case. So that if I were to collapse at work, she would at least know some background.
I remember this boss saying two things:
“I don’t understand how you’re overworked and stressed? I went to university and at the same time worked 240 hours a month in a responsible job and I managed it all.”
If you’ve collapsed, you’re burned out or you have some other health problem. And your boss says with his tone of voice and sentence structure, “What’s wrong with you whining?”, then THAT’S NOT OKAY. Not from any side, not from any end.
Please be so nice, stand up for yourself!
The second question she asked was, “You’re still planning to at least go to the doctor, right!?”
Well, I wasn’t really planning to. Remember? Overly independent.
But yes, I made an appointment with my family doctor. From there, I asked for a psychologist.
If I had previously tried to be strong and independent on my own, then after that shock I started looking for support and help from outside, taking small steps. Support and understanding.
Okay, the work was stressful, but what was the real root of this burnout?
Yes. The work was stressful. Very.
There was a lot of responsibility.
There was a lot of work.
At that time, I was working as an assistant to two bosses. But if you write down what I did on paper, I was actually doing the work of two managers. Assistant by title, manager in reality.
What had actually weakened me for years in the background was my character.
In other words, I didn’t dare to be myself. I was afraid to show it and be who I really am.
How much knowledge I have, how much passion I have, how much joy in life, that I want to get a very good salary. That I want to be the master of my time and business.
That for me, quality is more important than quantity.
That I don’t want to hear gossip, but I want to hear and surround myself with people who are emotionally intelligent, smart, with a really good sense of humor, who don’t whine or whine but look for solutions to their problems, not wallow in them. Who strive to move forward in life. Who are also spontaneous, but structured.
That I want people around me who are similar to me.
But I always made discounts – them is not that bad! At least then I have someone to talk to. So what, I turn a blind eye to this (important to me) topic and this topic too.
In addition, I didn’t dare to be strong. Not physically strong, when pushing through things. Mentally strong, in terms of intelligence.
So what do people think of me? I haven’t gone to university (I’ve been condemned a lot for that).
Just open-minded, curious about life and read a lot, learned from trainings and lectures (which in today’s society is not equivalent to real knowledge. I’ve had discussions with people in HR about this. The fact is that if you don’t have a real certificate to show, then officially you don’t have that knowledge).
So I suppressed myself. I made myself smaller. I tried to blend into the world of others who were not mine.
“You are not welcome here as you are”
In November 2024, I was shot in the leg several times in a short period of time at work.
The main message of the messages was one from the entire team and the bosses: “You are not welcome here for who you really are”.
In other words, my spiritual side, plus noticing micro details, reading patterns, psychology.
In short, people were bothered by the fact that I notice too much and talk about it.
In addition (or maybe that was the main reason) – I was talking about things they didn’t know about. When a person doesn’t know something, but someone talks about it openly, it often scares people.
Everything new is scary at first.
I didn’t go around and encourage others to think according to my worldview.
I just expressed myself here and there. It’s like you talk about the weather and life, “Look, today is a beautiful sunny day. It’s probably going to be hot when I get home from work. I should change my clothes at home, put on this beautiful green dress and then go downtown!”.
You can’t break off branches, leaves and flowers from a flower, damaging it, and then say, “Well! Bloom now! Bloom even more beautifully and better!” when its previous state was them. them environment. Them nature. You’ve already damaged the plant, it’s not the same.
Did I leave that job?
No.
Why?
Because I knew it was a place for me to grow. I had learned to trust my gut by that point.
And my gut told me clearly that if I changed jobs now, I would go through the same thing at the next job until I make it through. It would have taken more time because I would have had to do everything over again – settling in, really getting to know people, dealing with the discomforts, etc.
So I decided to stay.
And I decided not to fight back or argue.
I simply changed myself into what was expected of me.
NB! This is my personal experience and the choices I made at that time. It is not intended as advice or a recommendation for anyone else to do the same.
Would I do it differently today?
No.
It may sound strange. But I wouldn’t do it differently. Different choices.
I always say that we need pain in life so that we can move forward.
I needed that pain and the wild feeling of discomfort so that I could develop as a person.
So that I could learn to stand up for myself. So that I could learn to express myself.
So that I could learn to stand up for myself when I’ve already expressed something as an opinion and others don’t agree with it or even drag that opinion down.
And that last sentence is why I went through all these years.
Because after that, I worked there for another 1.5 years. Then I was unemployed at home for a while, making Krapsakas, and then almost 0.5 years in a company, where my self-expression and standing up for myself were also put to a very hard test.
Interim summary
This was the first post in a multi-part series. There will be at least 3 in total.
To keep this post from getting too long, I’ll make a follow-up post. I’ll publish it in a few days.
In the next part, I’ll talk about what happened after leaving that job.
I genuinely believed that once I walked away from that environment, recovery would begin immediately.
Instead, things got worse.
I’ll talk honestly about nervous system burnout, emotional numbness, survival mode, toxic work environments, sick leave, rebuilding my life from scratch, and the strange feeling of slowly becoming alive again after years of feeling emotionally asleep.
Part two will be released on June 9, 2026. Stay tuned :)!
With love,
Krapsakas Agnes
If this resonated with you, it’s probably because you already know what burnout takes away – and what it slowly gives back.
Clarity. Sensitivity. A need for things that feel real.
Krapsakas clothing was created from that same space – for moments when words are too much, and expression needs to be quieter. Not to cover you. But to reflect you.
Krapsakas 
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