This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsakas blog.
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.
At the beginning of May, I received a sentence from one of my closest people with a mean and arrogant undertone – “You have some kind of Mother Teresa syndrome! You always have to help everyone and be there!”.
This wasn’t said as a caring reality check from a friend. It was said because my actions had started exposing a gap between what she claimed about themself and how she actually behaved.
On the other hand, I, who didn’t even say much about what and why I was doing, I just did these things.
And oh-oh! How it bothered this person.
Because over time, a pattern began to emerge where her words and actions didn’t match up and at the same time I was doing these things in passing. Other people around us also started to notice this.
How dare you come and reveal that I’m not such a good person when I tell myself and others this? – that was the actual sentence and accusation with that sentence from Mother Teresa.
For me, it was a sad, bizarre, strange and even a little funny accusation.
I have never claimed that I am a miracle person who never makes mistakes. Who never gets tired. Whose eyes always shine.
Heck! I believe that most who have read Krapsakas blog even a little know that I am more of a front-runner in making mistakes and taking experience from them and moving on.
Am I Mother Teresa? Am I really giving my all?
This sentence stayed with me for a long time. It was said as a kind of spit in the face.
Fortunately, by that moment I had stepped out of the idea that I agree with everyone’s opinions about what kind of person I should be or that the person who expresses their opinion more strongly is right.
You can have your opinion and I can have a completely different opinion.
Do I then think that I am Mother Teresa, who gives everything of herself and saves the whole world?
No and yes.
I certainly have that excessively giving side of me, but even that has its limits today.
When there are people around me who are in a more delicate situation than me, who need help. Or something has happened to someone. Or people who I consider dear and close to me need help, support – yes, I sometimes come forward more than I should.
Because that’s who I am.
Plus, I do all this because I want to be treated that way too. To be noticed, to be there for, to be held, to be loved.
I’m not playing someone else there. I don’t go to someone’s aid in absentia in the hope that “Then they’ll owe me a favor!”.
I developed the mindset years ago that if you give something/ help/ do a good deed, it shouldn’t come back to you from that same person.
I have the opinion and attitude that karma doesn’t work that way.
That good deed or helping will come back to you from someone else at any given time.
Also, my character and essence is the one who notices, listens, is present, loves, shines, lives life, enjoys life, enjoys passion, enjoys in general, who knows how to make a home feel like home, who knows how to choose clothes, who cooks delicious home-cooked meals, who gives a lot of compliments and means them sincerely, who is excited about life, who tries to understand how things work in life and why they work the way they do?
This is me.
Only now do I see a recurring pattern around me, where my behavior (not words!), brings out the undone actions of other people.
For example, I have had situations at different workplaces where my colleague tells me how she is, for example, a complete cleanliness fanatic, that everything must be dust-free and tidy.
And then at some point I saw that when my shifts were over, I was handed a dirty shop, where the dust had not been removed and things had not been tidied up.
At the same time, my colleague told both the boss and me how she is such a diligent cleaner.
And when I then politely mentioned at some points that I would leave you a tidy shop, then I would expect the same shop in return, only repeated excuses came about how she had this and that thing and why the shop remained like that. Although it was ultimately a recurring pattern.
Sometimes it really happens in life, but not all the time.
Consequently, words and actions do not match.
At another job, I had a middle manager who constantly talked about how capable and hardworking she was. She would go on and on about everything she did and how much responsibility she carried.
She was also the first manager I had to regularly report my daily progress to, as well as the person I had to approach for new tasks. On top of that, her completed and unfinished work had a direct impact on my own ability to do my job.
After a while, I started noticing a recurring pattern. Tasks that were supposed to be completed by her were often left undone, while I needed those tasks finished in order to move forward with my own work.
The first time it happened, I offered to do it myself. And I did.
Then the same situation happened again.
And again.
And again.
Until one day, I could sense a shift in her attitude. I had started outperforming her. What she described with words was not reflected in her actual work.
I was getting more done, I was more focused, and in many ways, I was working harder.
That was when the familiar behind-the-scenes sabotage began. To my face, she remained friendly and supportive. Behind my back, however, it was a different story.
Why am I writing all this?
I am more than sure that there are many women and men like me in the world who are sincerely who they claim to be – not miracle people, but people who are full of vitality and brilliance and passion. Who allow themselves to make mistakes (not cramped butts who supposedly never make mistakes) and take their experiences of mistakes with them.
No matter what name such people are labeled with or what is claimed that such people do not exist – they exist.
If you are one of those people, know that I see you. I believe in you. I believe that the goodness that you have given to the world and will continue to give will come back to you.
But don’t forget to set boundaries and frames.
Others don’t always have to come first. Remember? The oxygen mask goes on your head first and then on others.
If you don’t exist for yourself, don’t do the things that REALLY matter to you, if you don’t fill your own cup, then you won’t exist for anyone else in the end.
You will simply be pulled in energy and everything else that can be taken from you, simply emptied.
So be there for yourself, but don’t be callous. Be kind. Be generous. Help when you can. But don’t abandon yourself while doing it. The world doesn’t need more martyrs.
It needs more people whose words and actions actually match.
I have to add at the end that I got a bit of a laugh because yes! You could say that I am Mother Teresa. Because Mother Teresa’s birth name was Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu.
Anjezë is considered an Albanian form of the name Agnes.
Both names (Anjezë and Agnes) share the same roots and are associated with meanings such as pure, holy, or virtuous.
He-he-he so the joke was on her :D!
With love,
Krapsakas Agnes
This post was about the space between words and actions.
Krapsakas was born from the belief that self-expression doesn’t always need a speech. Sometimes a small detail, a message, or a piece of clothing says enough.
Wear what reflects who you are.
Krapsakas 
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