This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsakas blog.
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.
This post is a continuation of “Raw and honest about burnout and recovery VOL 1.”
In the first part, I shared how years of chronic stress and self-suppression eventually led to a sudden physical collapse and a complete breakdown of my nervous system.
In this part, I go deeper into what came after – the emotional numbness, the feeling of being asleep in my own life, and how everything I tried to rebuild initially still felt stuck or out of reach.
I’ve been like in a sleep for the last few years
I felt like I had been asleep for the last 4 years. Not physically sleeping, but existing in a kind of constant fog.
I existed – I went to work, went to the grocery store, slept at home, woke up, and repeat.
I really tried, with all my heart, to somehow get out of it.
No matter what I did or didn’t do, it was meaningless.
I can’t describe it. It’s like you’re sleeping, you’re in a dreamy state.
During that time, I had about 1-1.5 years where I didn’t laugh from the heart.
I rarely laughed at all. And when I did, it was very shallow. It didn’t reach the heart. It wasn’t a belly laugh. It stayed on the surface.
I remember those years vividly, where I came home from work and went straight to sleep. I slept for a few minutes or a couple of hours and then woke up. But I didn’t feel rested. It was often very, very difficult to wake myself up at all.
After sleeping, I tried to be practical, either walking in nature or doing something.
I went shopping, had dinner, and went to sleep again.
And so on, day after day.
I wanted to feel alive. To enjoy life. To feel joy in it, the way it used to be, but I just couldn’t.
Leaving corporate work
I thought the worst of it was over when I left that stressful job.
I was so excited that I thought, “Yep! Wow! Now I can finally stand up for myself and I know what I want!“.
I registered as unemployed. I remember talking to the Unemployment Insurance Fund official (a national organization in Estonia that deals with unemployed people) with such excitement and conviction that “Oh, I can get back to work right away!”.
And this official looked at me with a suspicious expression and said, “Hearing what you told me, I think you would need at least 4-6 weeks to recover, to rest yourself from all this”.
Yeahh…
Today I would say that it’s great that I had that naivety back then :D.
During the following months, I used the support available to me, received psychological support, and explored opportunities abroad. I was actively trying to find a new direction.
But after a month or two, the results I hoped for never came. The jobs didn’t materialize, nothing seemed to move forward, and my enthusiasm slowly began to fade.
At the same time, I realized that moving abroad, especially to the country I had been considering, would require far more financial resources than I had available.
Week by week, my energy started to run out.
In June, I realized things were starting to go downhill. It was already known that my government unemployment support would end in August. Even though I was living in the second-largest city in Estonia, and I had knowledge and skills, what I didn’t have was a job.
For the positions I actually wanted, there were usually around 50–200 applicants per opening.
By July, I already had this feeling of: “Well… I guess I’ll end up living under a tree then.”
Then something unexpected happened. A company contacted me.
The same company that had already rejected my application months earlier.
I grabbed the opportunity immediately.
I got invited to a job interview. From the very beginning, I felt that something was seriously off there. There were quite a few red flags too, which later turned out to be true.
But the reality was simple:
I genuinely needed a job right then and there.
That employment lasted 6 months in total. Out of that, I physically worked there for 3.5 months. The rest of the time I was already on sick leave, because that job completely burned out my nervous system.
There was no clarity in leadership about where the company was even heading. Direction and tactics changed far too often. Doors were slammed. Systems were manipulated. The boss yelled at other employees. When I calmly and politely brought it up, the response was: “Well, I personally don’t notice that I’m yelling.”
In short, it was exactly the kind of work environment I had always tried to avoid.
By nature, I am organized, detail-oriented, someone who values order, keeps agreements, and communicates clearly.
To consciously recover
Finally, the psychologist told me that she couldn’t directly put me on sick leave, but she strongly recommended it. Until the last conflict situation at work arose and I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. My body and nervous system finally gave up. I took sick leave.
Burnout doesn’t heal like physical exhaustion. It takes real rest and time for the nervous system to recover properly.
I remember that I didn’t really dare to tell anyone that I was in such a bad situation. The lights were on, but no one was home.
By December, the situation was such that I was simply apathetic most of the time.
I still laughed, talked to people – so outwardly it might even seem that everything was ok.
But as soon as the communication was over, it was as if the ignition switch in my body had been turned off. Apathetic again.
“Hungry for life” album
I couldn’t force myself back to life. So eventually I stopped trying to fix myself and started looking for things that made me curious again.
I am a very creative person. I like to cook, not always for the purpose of getting food as a result, but just for the sake of doing it. It grounds me.
I also like to craft.
Like people do vision boards and “What I want from the new year?” at the end of the year, I was inspired by this and thought: “What if I made a whole album?”.
I had a large album with paper pages that I had bought in advance (for another project).
I went to the store, bought a few magazines, and started making.
“What kind of taste life do I want?
What feelings does it make me have?
Where do I want to live?
What does this home look like?
What is my man like?
Will we have children?
Do I want to start a family?
What kind of Krapsakas is it?
What products does Krapsakas sell?
Do I want my own garden?
A greenhouse?
How do I feel about driving my own car?
What do I want to do with my friends?
Do I want to have a few, but real friends, or do I want a whole village full of friends?”
These were some of the questions I asked myself.
I quickly realized that I was running out of magazines because they didn’t have the content I needed.
So I went looking for pictures on Pinterest, Instagram, and Pexels with the taste (feel) I wanted for my album and printed them out.
It took me 21 days in a row to make this album.
This was the thing that finally kept me “on track”, kept me active. I didn’t lose my goal, on the contrary, I set myself new goals every day.
I calmly gave myself time to recover. I didn’t rush myself.
In addition, this cutting, shaping, pasting was a very calming activity. Creative.
I will also make a post from this album at some point. It came out really nice.
Interim Summary
Creating that album became one of the first things that made me feel connected to life again.
Okay, the album is nice, but what happens next?
Recovery was far from over.
In the next part, I’ll share how leaving my old life behind led to a series of difficult decisions, unexpected changes, and what I now call my spiritual awakening 2.0.
Part three will be released on 16. June, 2026. Stay tuned :)!
With love,
Krapsakas Agnes
If this resonated with you, it’s probably because you already know what burnout takes away – and what it slowly gives back.
Clarity. Sensitivity. A need for things that feel real.
Krapsakas clothing was created from that same space – for moments when words are too much, and expression needs to be quieter. Not to cover you. But to reflect you.
Krapsakas 
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