Krapsakas

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This post is based on my personal thoughts on Krapsakas blog (autor: Krapsakas Agnes).
It’s not scientific or evidence-based, and it may be triggering for some.
Take what resonates, and leave everything that doesn’t.

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By the time this post goes up, the “Raw and honest about burnout and recovery” series will have already been published. So the backstory of my journey over the past few years is available – burnout, numbness, being like a sleep, striving to make things better.

I’ve been pulled in a new direction for some time now.
A direction that has actually always been there in me –
I have no interest in being poor.
I have no interest in doing jobs I don’t like.
I enjoy sex.
I enjoy passion.
I enjoy abundance.
I enjoy my man.
I enjoy physical intimacy.
I enjoy working for my own company.
I enjoy my whimsical side.
I enjoy the 50:50 halves of my personality, which are completely different from each other.
I love intelligent conversations.
I love life itself.

What’s wrong then? Love, enjoy! Why don’t you do it?

When I was little, my opinions and character were completely suppressed by my parents. The main sentence I heard directed at me was “Children talk when chickens pee. Chickens don’t pee, so children don’t talk!”.

I have been very curious since I was a child, curious about life.
How does something work? Various new things. Discussions about life. I explored nature either alone or with friends.
In short, I was a very happy and lively child. Full of vitality.
But my parents didn’t like it. They couldn’t “handle” me.

I remember when I was 11 years old, I apologized for absolutely everything. I was already so depressed by that point. It made my dad so angry that he once shouted at me, “Don’t apologize so much!”, to which I replied, “I’m sorry for apologizing so much!”.

During school (elementary school), I was one of the bullied kids in the class. Mostly because I didn’t go along with other things.
I’ve had a strong character since I was a child. If I didn’t want to, then I didn’t want to and that’s it.
We all have moments when we go along with the crowd, but mostly I still decided for myself whether I was interested in something or not. And if I wasn’t interested, then I didn’t do it. Simple.

For example, in high school, I was in a group of girls for years who all smoked.I was the only one who didn’t smoke, but I was always with them in the smoking area.
I wasn’t coaxed or forced to smoke. Because they knew I wasn’t interested and I didn’t want to. Simple.

Social pressure and people around us

As I talked about in the “Raw and honest about burnout and recovery” series, I allowed myself to go through the pain over the past few years.
I allowed myself to go through the ego deaths where I abandoned myself, to discover the person I truly am within.
This was necessary to break old beliefs and patterns and create new ones.
When everything is good in life, we don’t make changes that would or will remain.
But when you are in enough pain, when you know that the more you suppress yourself, the smaller you make yourself, the more painful it is for your mind and soul and physical body, then you pull yourself together and change it. Because this discomfort and pain is simply so big.

But before that, I surrounded myself with people from whose mouths I often heard phrases like:
“There’s no money!”
“You can’t get rich in this world!”
“Who has money here anyway!?”
“Well, that’s the stuff of the rich, isn’t it!”
“There’s no shame in being rich!” (intended with a very sarcastic negative undertone)
And many other similar phrases.

As a side note, I would like to add that even today, there are a lot of people with this mindset in my circle of acquaintances and around me, and that is exactly why this topic bothers me so much, because I feel how their limited and whiny thinking affects me, because my opposite thinking does not fit into their world.
And if I say that “I like my job. I even love it”, then I am an outsider. Because they are working at a job that they either do not enjoy or that does not fill their cups as they would like.
Remember – watch who you surround yourself with.

Once I was having lunch with my friend at the time. We were sitting on the second floor in a completely open area. You could see and hear everything happening below. People were shopping on the first floor, others were sitting around us, and the whole place was full of life.

We were waiting for our food, watching people walk by and simply talking.
Then, all of a sudden, my friend said loudly: “God, people still have money to shop! I have nothing. Where do they get that money from!?”.
She said it so loudly that half the restaurant could probably hear it. And with so much disgust and envy.
I remember saying in response that “Rich people and people with big wallets don’t go around and tell everyone that they have money. They just buy and live their own lives. Those who don’t have money tell everyone about it”.
To which my friend couldn’t help but say “Well, yeah”.

I remember that this incident really stuck with me. First of all, I felt very embarrassed that I was eating out with someone with that attitude. Someone who was so open about making comments and putting others down. Whining.
I also remember thinking that I don’t want that kind of mindset around me and why am I even friends with her?
As the saying goes – “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are”.
After that, I started to consciously reduce the amount of time I spent with this person and also the amount of communication.

But this same topic is very relevant in our society and everywhere.
“There is no money, there is no this, there is no that.”
One big whining, both when talking to each other and on the internet.

I really like the sentence my mother told me years ago: “It doesn’t matter who is in power, someone always has money!”.
This was said during a conversation where we talked about the different powers that have ruled Estonia and how people have changed their attitudes in the process.

This line of thought stuck in my brain – It doesn’t matter who is in power, someone always has money!

Our society has normalized struggling and complaining about money to such a degree that if you openly say- “I want to be wealthy” or “I have money easily available” or “I make money in easy ways”, people are only one step away from putting you in the public shame corner or burning you at the stake.

Why do people choose to live in pain? In discomfort?
Why do people choose to live in fear of money?
What happens to you when you really have an abundance of money?
When you don’t feel like you lack anything?
When you don’t have to buy yourself a bunch of cheap clothes to get a dopamine hit, but you choose clothes that really fit you in peace and awareness?
You have them sewn for you.
What happens when you are truly happy?
When you enjoy different passions – food, nature, cultures, sex, the sun, the moon. What happens then?
Do you lose your identity? That big part of yourself that you have built on negativity and whining? It must be scary when suddenly there is nothing to whine about.
Sad stuff, really.

A negative and bitter mindset creates more negativity and bitterness.
A positive and vibrant mindset creates new opportunities and abundance.

Everything is tied to attitude, even if it’s hard to believe.

Fuck all that! I choose passion, love, sex and abundance

It is so important to consciously choose the right people around you. With mindsets that are open, supportive, constructively critical, who think along with you, who are open, who also tell you about their own things, but with passion, vitality, joy.
But who also feels sad thoughts and feelings. Who dares to go through their feelings and emotions and not get stuck in them. Who consciously move forward in life. Who have goals. Who strive towards the things and topics that are important to them.

Over the past few years, I’ve made massive cuts to my inner circle.
And I feel like today, finally, I’m ready for my people:
Business-minded people. Creative people. Passionate people.
People who choose themselves, both in the good times and the hard times.

And you know what? I do want abundance in every area of my life. I want to attract it into my life easily and freely. With pleasure. Enjoying it fully. I want to do work in my company only in the areas that genuinely make me happy, the things that I truly enjoy.
Let everything else in my company be handled by other people or other businesses. Let everyone focus on what naturally fits them.

I believe that there is money in the world for everyone. That each of us has our own passion. Our own things that we specifically like and others don’t.
Why do we have to push ourselves, put ourselves in a box? Be negative and sad. Instead of enjoying life?
Enjoying life, enjoying passion, enjoying sex, enjoying a happy relationship, enjoying abundance, enjoying different cultures, enjoying shared laughter and joy.
Obviously, sadness and negativity will not disappear from the world. Fear mongering. Wars. Intimidation on a massive scale. Etc.
But every day it is up to us to choose what we believe? To what do I give my life force energy? To evil, coldness, anger or to love, passion and abundance?

Anyway, I choose lightness, abundance, passion, sex, love and laughter.

With love,
Krapsakas Agnes